DONKEY: Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that?
SHREK: That would be my home.
DONKEY: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
SHREK: I like my privacy.
DONKEY: You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.

SHREK: Wake up!
FIONA: What?
SHREK: Are you Princess Fiona?
FIONA: I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.
SHREK: Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!
FIONA: But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?
SHREK: Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.
FIONA: Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
SHREK: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?
FIONA: Mm-hmm. But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!
SHREK: I don't think so.
FIONA: Can I at least know the name of my champion?
SHREK: Uh, Shrek.
FIONA: Sir Shrek. I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.
SHREK: Thanks!
FIONA: You didn't slay the dragon?
SHREK: It's on my to-do list. Now come on! 
FIONA: But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did.
SHREK: Yeah, right before they burst into flame.

DONKEY: Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.
FIONA: I'm ugly, okay?
DONKEY: Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now...
FIONA: No. I... I've been this way as long as I can remember.
DONKEY: What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.
FIONA: It only happens when the sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form."
DONKEY: Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.
FIONA: It's a spell. When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this.
DONKEY: All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7.