Jokes are also interesting to learn a language. Many of them are the same in other languages but others are specially British or American, since they play with words, meanings and similar sounds. Read these jokes and have fun!

- I really know what it means to work hard! I saw it!

- Teacher: Today we're going to talk about tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
- Student: It is obviously the past tense!

- Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
- Customer: What other colours do you have?

- What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
- It's Christmas, Eve!

- Teacher: Charlie, you know you can't sleep in my class.
- Charlie: Yes, I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could!

- Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.
- Doctor: Next time, take off the candles!

- What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
- I'm bacon!

- Doctor, Doctor, you have to help me! I just can't stop my hands shaking!
- Do you usually drink a lot?
- Not really. I spill most of it!

- Doctor, Doctor, please hurry! My son swallowed a razor-blade!
- Don't panic. I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?
- Yes, I shaved with the electric razor!

A man speaks into the phone: "Doctor! My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
The doctor asks: "Is this her first child?"
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

- What do you give 900-pound gorilla for his birthday?
- I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!

- Great news! The teacher said we would have an exam today, come rain or shine.
- What's so great about that?
- It's snowing!

A woman proudly told her friend, "I'm responsible for making my husband a millionaire."
"Wow! What was he before he married you?", the friend asked.
"A billionaire!"

One customer: "Waiter! Bring me a cup of tea, please!"
Another customer: "Bring me a cup of tea, too. And be sure the cup is clean."
Waiter, bringing the tea: "Two cups of tea! Which of you ordered the clean cup?"

Patient: - How much do you charge to have this tooth removed?
Dentist: - $200.
Patient: - $200 for just a few minutes' work?
Dentist: - Well, I can remove it very slowly, if you like.

Patient: - Doctor, sometimes I feel like I'm invisible.
Doctor: - Who said that?

Customer: - Waiter! Have you noticed this chicken has one leg longer than the other one?
Waiter: - Do you want to eat it or have a dance with it?

Teacher: - Johnny, why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?
Student: - You told me not to use tables!

Teacher: - What is the shortest month?
Student: - May. It only has three letters!

- Who isn't hungry on Thanksgiving?
- The turkey, because he's already stuffed!

- What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
- Black mail!

Patient: - Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a Christmas bell.
Doctor: - Take these pills and if they don't work, give me a ring.

- What would have happened if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men?
- They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a stew and brought practical gifts.

A mother to her daughter: - Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.

- What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?
- Time to fix the fence!

There aren't many things upon this earth that make it seems like heaven, but one is to wake at half past six when you thought it was half past seven.
(Sent by Jordi Santamaria from Barcelona, Spain)

My house is so, so, so small that when the sun comes into my house, I have to leave.
(Sent by Luis Ramos from San Salvador, El Salvador)

A man goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor I've got a problem, I've got two personalities.' The doctor answers: 'Be quiet, sit down and let's talk all four of us.'
(Sent by Sofía Arrabali Luque from Málaga, Spain)

A SCOTTISH PRAYER
Heavently Father, bless us,
and keep us all alives:
there are eight of us for dinner,
and there is only enough for five!
(Sent by Manuel Tejero from Barcelona, Spain)

Teacher: Mary, have you read "Freckles"?
Mary: No, mine are brown.
(Sent by Lucila Moret from Buenos Aires, Argentina)

An epigram: Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home.
(Sent by Vicky Oliva Navarro from Barcelona, Spain)

- What's the definition of mixed emotions?
- Seeing your mother-in-law driving your new car off the edge of a cliff.
(Sent by Vicky Oliva Navarro from Barcelona, Spain)

- A big moron and a little moron were standing on a bridge. The big moron fell off. How come the little moron didn't?
- He was a little more on (moron).
(Sent by Germán Martín from Argentina)

- What happens in the African jungle from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. everyday, even on Sundays?
- Two hours.
(Sent by Gisela Gabernet from Bellpuig, Spain)

- I can turn you into a Red Indian.
- How?
- See? I told you! How!
(Sent by Álvaro Núñez from Málaga, Spain)

- Nine and ten don't exist anymore.
- Why?
- Because seven ate nine and ten.
(Sent by Alexandra García N. from Barranquilla, Colombia)

She: So, why do you call me Eve when my real name is Maria?
He: Because you are the first woman I ever had.
She: Well, then I'll call you Peugeot
He: Why's that? Because I'm good-looking, economical, small and fast?
She: No, darling. Because you're number 206!
(Sent by Laura Pérez from México D.F., México)

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